A time to rejoice

What friends say

Marietjie


I think it honestly is inspiring; we get so caught up in our daily stress and stressful routines so that you operate in “alert mode”. So much so that it becomes a way of life. We stop to see and to appreciate the beautiful things in life…..

                                     MVA



Hallo Marietjie, I hope you are doing well

I was at C and we spoke about suggesting you talk to us once a month, in the evenings….After a year like this one, we are all in need of a bit of support and strength, as we are all in survival mode.

CR

Heal with laughter

Hi Everyone


I hope you are all looking forward to the festive season. For me it is a time of love and family and I will be visiting mine for Christmas J. For those of you fortunate enough to be able to go away on holiday, I hope you drive safely.

To all the new people who joined my mailing list. Thank you so much! I definitely look forward to getting to know you all better. I want to thank each and every one of my readers for your loyal patronage, and I look forward to chatting to you again in the New Year.

This has been a long difficult year for most of us, and this Christmas break is sorely needed. I will not be sending any e-mails out during December. I know you all will be too busy to read it anyway ;-)).

In the spirit of Christmas, I want to give you all something special as a thank you gift. It is a free e-book from Michael Moore on healing with humor. You may download it at the link below. If you have difficulty downloading it, just pop me a mail and I will send the file to you as a zipped attachment.

http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?healing

Just a quick reminder before I greet you for the last time this year. I am starting a Happiness Club in Montana, Pretoria. If all goes according to plan it will be operational in March 2010. I will keep you all up to date as things progress. Keep your eyes on this space, because you will not want to miss it. Remember membership will be absolutely free. The only thing you might loose is your unhappiness. Think of suitable times to hold these meetings and send me your suggestions. I’d appreciate it very much!

To all a very Merry Christmas, stay save and happy!

Are you up for a challenge?

I’ve been playing around with blog posts and sending e-mails to people for a while and although it feels good, I still feel like there is something missing. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy writing and sharing things with people. But it feels like I am not doing enough, like something is missing.


I am speeding towards my forties and I have just not accomplished anything I’ve dreamed of doing. I am sure all of you can relate to what I am trying to say. We all have dreams, and some we accomplish, and some just gets lost, forgotten through time and space.

In my teens I had a dream of becoming a psychologist. But then I met my husband, we fell in love got married, had a child and then we got separated and divorced, and through all the living and loving and fighting my dream just disappeared all together.

When I realized this, it was earth shattering. We live for our partners, our children, financial security, status, power and more but we forget about the one most important person, ourselves and we forget about the Almighty our Creator. That is why we end-up dissatisfied with our lives and our present situations. We wonder why we were placed on this earth. What is the purpose to it all? Life looses its meaning somehow.

We have to do some soul searching again. Remembering our dreams is one way of realizing our purpose. Making sense of our lives again, can be difficult. But think about it. You spend eight hours of your day at work, not even counting the time travelling to and fro. Why on earth do something you dislike?

I’ve done a bit of soul-searching. Just trying to remember who I am and what makes me happy. I remembered what I wanted to become as a teenager and what I enjoy doing. I want to be of service to people and to God. But I do not want to be a preacher. I want to help people, to council them and help them accomplish their dreams. But I also like writing and playing with words on paper. It’s like an escape, to create my own little world where I am totally in control.

I am working on accomplishing my dream. It is a slow and long process. But Rome wasn’t built in a day (smile). What are you doing to accomplish your dreams? Let’s make it a challenge, shall we? I challenge all of you to start setting some goals!

It may feel overwhelming, but goal setting is part of stress and time management. It is quite easy to accomplish if you take your ultimate goal and break it down into bite size chunks. To break a goal down into smaller more manageable goals, and then accomplishing it one step, one small goal at a time, will make the whole process seem more easily accomplishable. Besides, accomplishing the first step (mini-goal) will give you more confidence, to carry on to your second step and third and so on.

Are you up for my challenge? If we do it together it will be much more fun and exhilarating. We can motivate each other. Let’s make it a group effort. What do you say?

Let me know what your dreams are. Send me an e-mail adminstress@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you.

Be part of the happiness club

Good morning all my wonderful friends. Life is indeed a wonderful experience. That is, if we can handle all the ups and downs, without driving ourselves crazy.




To me stress is like a dementor. I am sure most of you have watched the “Harry Potter” films, especially our younger generation. You should therefore be familiar with the dementors that played such a prominent part. The first time our friend Harry met these foul creatures was in the Prisoner of Azkaban. My son even bought the book, not that he ever took the time to read it.



Dementors are supposedly dark creatures that feed off human happiness and causes depression and despair. They are capable of consuming a person’s soul, leaving them in a permanent vegetative state. Can you see the resemblance? If it was possible to put a face to our stress, that would be a good imaginative picture!



Dementors, can not be destroyed, just as stress can not be destroyed. But we can reduce the stress in our lives by understanding what causes our stress levels and then employing positive coping skills.



Remember what Harry had to do to be able to keep the dementors at bay? He had to remember a time when he was truly happy. Happiness was the key to his magic and keeping these dark creatures at bay. Happiness is one of the coping skills you may utilize in a difficult situation. Like laughter, visualizing happiness has a very therapeutic effect. Just imagine bringing that feeling of happiness over you by just pressing your forefinger and thumb together! Intrigued? Let me explain…



First hand experience taught me that in moments of sadness or anger, it is virtually impossible to press a button in your mind and switch from sad to happy in seconds. Or is it? What if I told you it is possible! What if I told you that you can virtually teleport to the Valley of contentment at a moments notice! Awesome don’t you think?



Then, what is this magical recipe? My friends, there is absolutely no magic involved. No magic wands, cauldrons and frog legs, just repetition and a willingness to spend two or three minutes a day to create that switch. It is just combining two very human abilities to create a life changing habit. Let’s call it a habit for simplicity sake.



Have you noticed that a specific song playing on the radio, conjures up memories of a certain person or event? Or do you associate a smell with a memory of someone? There is an Afrikaans song that goes:



My nooi is in n naartjie,

My ouma in kaneel…



Roughly translated it says My girl is in a naartjie, my granny in cinnamon.



It is a very human ability to create associations between certain things using our five senses. Our mind creates associations of something that has a profound effect on us. Years later we still have the ability to remember in detail just by triggering that switch, a smell, a sound or a taste.



But then we are habitual creatures, and if we repeat a certain action for a certain amount of times, a new habit is formed. So why not combining the ability to create associations and the ability to form habits to create a life changing inclination? All you need is a trigger, like pressing your earlobe. Then create an association with a feeling of happiness, self-confidence or anything you want. Repeat the action everyday for a month, just two to three minutes a day and voila! You are a member of the happiness club, my friend!



Would you like to know more? Why not sign up for one of my workshops or pencil me into your diary for a personal one on one session. I will endeavor not to disappoint you. Send me an e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com

What? My ex husband is a psychopath?

What? My ex-husband is a psychopath!

Now, you’ve got to admit that is a catchy phrase! You may meet or come across a social psychopath every week and won’t even know it. They are not mad, and they are certainly not all killers! They come across as ordinary people and may even be attractive and charming.

Psychopaths are social predators that are very good at manipulating, targeting nice, honest people because they are not suspicious by nature. That old saying is so very true! If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

They target their victim’s weak points. They look for things like loneliness or low self-esteem or a need to nurture in their victim’s. Even if you are easily flattered, you are a target. If he is overly flattering, be suspicious!

I know, you are probably wandering what authority do I have on the subject? To be truthful, I have none except for a craving to understand why people act a certain way and why I fell in the trap. That is right! You guessed it. I was in a relationship for a few years with a man with psychopathic tendencies. I walked away with a broken heart, a beautiful daughter I am very grateful for and a huge dent in my pocket. I am still paying off some of the debt. The only problem is that I am not sure if he is a social psychopath or if he has attachment disorder. The signs and symptoms are very similar. A psychopath does not experience fear, anxiety, sweating or heartbeats like we do. My ex does.

A psychopath has no conscience and feels no remorse. When they get caught out, they simply move on without a care for the chaos and tears they leave behind.

So how do you spot a psychopath, you may ask? There are a few things that may be warning signs. For instance, does he have a string of broken relationships, and the other party was always to blame? Or does he have children from previous relationships he does not have contact with? Another sign is cruelty to animals? Maybe he brags about himself a lot, his achievements, or his looks. Now you have got to be care-full here. There is nothing wrong with high self-esteem or maybe he is just trying to cover his low self-esteem. You have to take things in context.

Here is a questionnaire I found on the internet. It is based on research and experiences with social psychopaths.

1. Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in business?
2. Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?
3. Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?
4. Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
5. Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
6. Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?
7. Are they easily bored and demand constant stimulation?
8. Are their displays of human emotion unconvincing?
9. Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
10. Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes?
11. As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
12. Do they have no qualms about sponging off others?
13. Are they quick to lose their temper?
14. Are they sexually promiscuous?
15. Do they have a belligerent, bullying manner?
16. Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
17. Do they lack any ability to empathize with others?
18. Would you regard them as essentially irresponsible?

Dr. Martha Stout suggests using the Rule of Threes: one broken promise, lie, or neglected responsibility could be a misunderstanding and two a mistake, but three means that the individual is not guided by conscience. After three strikes, it’s best to cut your losses. A psychopath will possibly play on your emotional sympathies or obligations, and you need to stay strong.

A psychopath is likely to blame you for his bad behavior. Don’t feel bad, it is not your fault you’ve been lied to, cheated on, beaten or he squandered your money! A lot of intelligent people have been taken in by psychopaths so don’t feel alone! He may promise to change, and maybe he does for a short while, but it is just to lull you into a false sense of trust before he acts up again.

So how do you protect yourself from becoming a victim? Get to know yourself, especially your weak points. Improve your self-esteem. A great way to do this is through hypnosis or self-hypnosis. Learn from your mistakes. Use a bad experience as a leaning experience.

When it is your family member that has psychopathic tendencies, it is even more difficult. You can’t just turn your back and walk away. Use all the resources available. Intervention at a young age is better. But do not expect dramatic changes, as it may lead to disappointment.

A great site to find free articles and resources is www.suit101.com.

If you need more information on hypnosis or self hypnosis for building self-esteem you are more than welcome to contact me by reply e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com

Muscle Relaxation

We are all experiencing stress at some time in our lives. Who doesn’t? It is physical impossible to eliminate stress, but we can all learn basic coping skills to make it easier. Chronic stress can disrupt almost every aspect of your live, your emotions, your mind and your body! An easy and practical skill is the progressive muscle relaxation technique. I am sure all of you have experienced sore muscles due to stress at some point or another?

With regular practice you will become familiar with how tensed and relaxed muscles feel in various parts of your body. This awareness will help you stop the first signs and combat stress. As your body relaxes, so will your mind. By combining the progressive muscle relaxation with deep breathing you will experience a deeper level

(a) Progressive Muscle Relaxation Sequence
*Right foot
*Left foot
*Right calf
*Left calf
*Right thigh
*Left thigh
*Hips and buttocks
*Stomach
*Chest
*Back
*Right arm and hand
*Left arm and hand
*Neck and shoulders
*Face

Most progressive muscle relaxation practitioners start at the feet and work their way up to the face.
Loosen your clothing, take off your shoes, and get comfortable.
Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths.
When you’re relaxed and ready to start, shift your attention to your right foot. Take a moment to focus on the way it feels.
Slowly tense the muscles in your right foot, squeezing as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10.
Relax your right foot. Focus on the tension flowing away and the way your foot feels as it becomes limp and loose.
Stay in this relaxed state for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly.
When you’re ready, shift your attention to your left foot. Follow the same sequence of muscle tension and release.
Move slowly up through your body — legs, abdomen, back, neck, face — contracting and relaxing the muscle groups as you go.
Remember – practice makes perfect!

One Day Stress Management Workshop

Date: 06 November 2009
Place: Pretoria, South Africa
Limited Seats available
As you consider all the benefits of stress management, I am sure you will want to experience it for yourself.!

It is estimated that in South Africa at least 40 million working days are lost each year due to the effects of stress. According to a survey done by the University of Stanford an estimated 95% of all illnesses are due to stress. But the cost to industry doesn’t end there, because the figure only relates to actual absences from work. Stress produces several other effects. Over-stressed employees at any level of a company are inefficient employees. At clerical and operative level, stress might reveal itself in carelessness, poor timekeeping, and absenteeism. Whilst at more senior levels, creativity, judgment and decision making skills are affected.
It would be unrealistic to talk about eliminating stress. On the other hand learning how to manage stress is something that everybody can do and benefit enormously from.

What is this workshop about?

What is stress and how does it affect your body and your mind
Stress responses, stress symptoms
How stressed are you
What to do when you are stressed
Learn how to do Self-Hypnosis
Introduction to Time management

Objective:

To enable students to examine and understand the causes and effects of stress.
To provide them with techniques and strategies for reducing the levels of stress in their lives and for effectively managing responses to potentially stressful situations
To demonstrate the power that is contained in every person’s mind and to teach students how to tap into this inner resource and utilize its positive energy.
How to effectively manage their time to make the most of every day

Price of R1400.00 per delegate includes refreshments, a student manual and a free follow-up session after six months. A workshop attendance certificate will be issued after completion. Please email adminstress@gmail.com or send text message to +27827656670 with your email or fax number to receive the booking form