Good morning all my wonderful friends. Life is indeed a wonderful experience. That is, if we can handle all the ups and downs, without driving ourselves crazy.
To me stress is like a dementor. I am sure most of you have watched the “Harry Potter” films, especially our younger generation. You should therefore be familiar with the dementors that played such a prominent part. The first time our friend Harry met these foul creatures was in the Prisoner of Azkaban. My son even bought the book, not that he ever took the time to read it.
Dementors are supposedly dark creatures that feed off human happiness and causes depression and despair. They are capable of consuming a person’s soul, leaving them in a permanent vegetative state. Can you see the resemblance? If it was possible to put a face to our stress, that would be a good imaginative picture!
Dementors, can not be destroyed, just as stress can not be destroyed. But we can reduce the stress in our lives by understanding what causes our stress levels and then employing positive coping skills.
Remember what Harry had to do to be able to keep the dementors at bay? He had to remember a time when he was truly happy. Happiness was the key to his magic and keeping these dark creatures at bay. Happiness is one of the coping skills you may utilize in a difficult situation. Like laughter, visualizing happiness has a very therapeutic effect. Just imagine bringing that feeling of happiness over you by just pressing your forefinger and thumb together! Intrigued? Let me explain…
First hand experience taught me that in moments of sadness or anger, it is virtually impossible to press a button in your mind and switch from sad to happy in seconds. Or is it? What if I told you it is possible! What if I told you that you can virtually teleport to the Valley of contentment at a moments notice! Awesome don’t you think?
Then, what is this magical recipe? My friends, there is absolutely no magic involved. No magic wands, cauldrons and frog legs, just repetition and a willingness to spend two or three minutes a day to create that switch. It is just combining two very human abilities to create a life changing habit. Let’s call it a habit for simplicity sake.
Have you noticed that a specific song playing on the radio, conjures up memories of a certain person or event? Or do you associate a smell with a memory of someone? There is an Afrikaans song that goes:
My nooi is in n naartjie,
My ouma in kaneel…
Roughly translated it says My girl is in a naartjie, my granny in cinnamon.
It is a very human ability to create associations between certain things using our five senses. Our mind creates associations of something that has a profound effect on us. Years later we still have the ability to remember in detail just by triggering that switch, a smell, a sound or a taste.
But then we are habitual creatures, and if we repeat a certain action for a certain amount of times, a new habit is formed. So why not combining the ability to create associations and the ability to form habits to create a life changing inclination? All you need is a trigger, like pressing your earlobe. Then create an association with a feeling of happiness, self-confidence or anything you want. Repeat the action everyday for a month, just two to three minutes a day and voila! You are a member of the happiness club, my friend!
Would you like to know more? Why not sign up for one of my workshops or pencil me into your diary for a personal one on one session. I will endeavor not to disappoint you. Send me an e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com
Hypnostress
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What? My ex husband is a psychopath?
What? My ex-husband is a psychopath!
Now, you’ve got to admit that is a catchy phrase! You may meet or come across a social psychopath every week and won’t even know it. They are not mad, and they are certainly not all killers! They come across as ordinary people and may even be attractive and charming.
Psychopaths are social predators that are very good at manipulating, targeting nice, honest people because they are not suspicious by nature. That old saying is so very true! If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
They target their victim’s weak points. They look for things like loneliness or low self-esteem or a need to nurture in their victim’s. Even if you are easily flattered, you are a target. If he is overly flattering, be suspicious!
I know, you are probably wandering what authority do I have on the subject? To be truthful, I have none except for a craving to understand why people act a certain way and why I fell in the trap. That is right! You guessed it. I was in a relationship for a few years with a man with psychopathic tendencies. I walked away with a broken heart, a beautiful daughter I am very grateful for and a huge dent in my pocket. I am still paying off some of the debt. The only problem is that I am not sure if he is a social psychopath or if he has attachment disorder. The signs and symptoms are very similar. A psychopath does not experience fear, anxiety, sweating or heartbeats like we do. My ex does.
A psychopath has no conscience and feels no remorse. When they get caught out, they simply move on without a care for the chaos and tears they leave behind.
So how do you spot a psychopath, you may ask? There are a few things that may be warning signs. For instance, does he have a string of broken relationships, and the other party was always to blame? Or does he have children from previous relationships he does not have contact with? Another sign is cruelty to animals? Maybe he brags about himself a lot, his achievements, or his looks. Now you have got to be care-full here. There is nothing wrong with high self-esteem or maybe he is just trying to cover his low self-esteem. You have to take things in context.
Here is a questionnaire I found on the internet. It is based on research and experiences with social psychopaths.
1. Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in business?
2. Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?
3. Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?
4. Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
5. Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
6. Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?
7. Are they easily bored and demand constant stimulation?
8. Are their displays of human emotion unconvincing?
9. Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
10. Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes?
11. As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
12. Do they have no qualms about sponging off others?
13. Are they quick to lose their temper?
14. Are they sexually promiscuous?
15. Do they have a belligerent, bullying manner?
16. Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
17. Do they lack any ability to empathize with others?
18. Would you regard them as essentially irresponsible?
Dr. Martha Stout suggests using the Rule of Threes: one broken promise, lie, or neglected responsibility could be a misunderstanding and two a mistake, but three means that the individual is not guided by conscience. After three strikes, it’s best to cut your losses. A psychopath will possibly play on your emotional sympathies or obligations, and you need to stay strong.
A psychopath is likely to blame you for his bad behavior. Don’t feel bad, it is not your fault you’ve been lied to, cheated on, beaten or he squandered your money! A lot of intelligent people have been taken in by psychopaths so don’t feel alone! He may promise to change, and maybe he does for a short while, but it is just to lull you into a false sense of trust before he acts up again.
So how do you protect yourself from becoming a victim? Get to know yourself, especially your weak points. Improve your self-esteem. A great way to do this is through hypnosis or self-hypnosis. Learn from your mistakes. Use a bad experience as a leaning experience.
When it is your family member that has psychopathic tendencies, it is even more difficult. You can’t just turn your back and walk away. Use all the resources available. Intervention at a young age is better. But do not expect dramatic changes, as it may lead to disappointment.
A great site to find free articles and resources is www.suit101.com.
If you need more information on hypnosis or self hypnosis for building self-esteem you are more than welcome to contact me by reply e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com
Now, you’ve got to admit that is a catchy phrase! You may meet or come across a social psychopath every week and won’t even know it. They are not mad, and they are certainly not all killers! They come across as ordinary people and may even be attractive and charming.
Psychopaths are social predators that are very good at manipulating, targeting nice, honest people because they are not suspicious by nature. That old saying is so very true! If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
They target their victim’s weak points. They look for things like loneliness or low self-esteem or a need to nurture in their victim’s. Even if you are easily flattered, you are a target. If he is overly flattering, be suspicious!
I know, you are probably wandering what authority do I have on the subject? To be truthful, I have none except for a craving to understand why people act a certain way and why I fell in the trap. That is right! You guessed it. I was in a relationship for a few years with a man with psychopathic tendencies. I walked away with a broken heart, a beautiful daughter I am very grateful for and a huge dent in my pocket. I am still paying off some of the debt. The only problem is that I am not sure if he is a social psychopath or if he has attachment disorder. The signs and symptoms are very similar. A psychopath does not experience fear, anxiety, sweating or heartbeats like we do. My ex does.
A psychopath has no conscience and feels no remorse. When they get caught out, they simply move on without a care for the chaos and tears they leave behind.
So how do you spot a psychopath, you may ask? There are a few things that may be warning signs. For instance, does he have a string of broken relationships, and the other party was always to blame? Or does he have children from previous relationships he does not have contact with? Another sign is cruelty to animals? Maybe he brags about himself a lot, his achievements, or his looks. Now you have got to be care-full here. There is nothing wrong with high self-esteem or maybe he is just trying to cover his low self-esteem. You have to take things in context.
Here is a questionnaire I found on the internet. It is based on research and experiences with social psychopaths.
1. Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in business?
2. Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?
3. Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?
4. Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
5. Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
6. Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?
7. Are they easily bored and demand constant stimulation?
8. Are their displays of human emotion unconvincing?
9. Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
10. Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes?
11. As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
12. Do they have no qualms about sponging off others?
13. Are they quick to lose their temper?
14. Are they sexually promiscuous?
15. Do they have a belligerent, bullying manner?
16. Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
17. Do they lack any ability to empathize with others?
18. Would you regard them as essentially irresponsible?
Dr. Martha Stout suggests using the Rule of Threes: one broken promise, lie, or neglected responsibility could be a misunderstanding and two a mistake, but three means that the individual is not guided by conscience. After three strikes, it’s best to cut your losses. A psychopath will possibly play on your emotional sympathies or obligations, and you need to stay strong.
A psychopath is likely to blame you for his bad behavior. Don’t feel bad, it is not your fault you’ve been lied to, cheated on, beaten or he squandered your money! A lot of intelligent people have been taken in by psychopaths so don’t feel alone! He may promise to change, and maybe he does for a short while, but it is just to lull you into a false sense of trust before he acts up again.
So how do you protect yourself from becoming a victim? Get to know yourself, especially your weak points. Improve your self-esteem. A great way to do this is through hypnosis or self-hypnosis. Learn from your mistakes. Use a bad experience as a leaning experience.
When it is your family member that has psychopathic tendencies, it is even more difficult. You can’t just turn your back and walk away. Use all the resources available. Intervention at a young age is better. But do not expect dramatic changes, as it may lead to disappointment.
A great site to find free articles and resources is www.suit101.com.
If you need more information on hypnosis or self hypnosis for building self-esteem you are more than welcome to contact me by reply e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com
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